Finding Love… Again

Have you ever felt like you’re meant to be doing more and that even the little you’re doing now is not good enough?

I’d felt like that for a long time. I would think back to how close I had felt to God in the past, especially in my first year of university and just feel insignificant like I’d failed to maintain my relationship with God or to even be a good Christian. I knew my priority was to be close to God and to pursue a relationship with Him but I just felt like I was lacking. I was trying but I just didn’t feel like my ‘trying’ was enough or even getting me anywhere. I didn’t feel like I was growing.

It’s weird how I felt like by trying I could make myself get closer to God. Lately, I’ve been dealing with the same issues but what I’ve come to realise is that all those times where I thought I was ‘trying’, I was only wishing. I wanted to get closer to God, but I wasn’t praying as I should have been, I was at times even struggling to read my Bible. Looking back, I can definitely say that God was still with me and helping me, which just speaks immensely about the nature of God? He’s loving, consistent and ever so faithful. Even when I fail and have failed, He’s always and has always been there; waiting for me, waiting for me to come back to Him. His grace is honestly awe-inspiring. The Bible in Isaiah 30:18 shows that God is literally waiting to bless us and be gracious to us! What a great God!

Therefore the Lord will wait, that He may be gracious to you;
And therefore He will be exalted, that He may have mercy on you.
For the Lord is a God of justice;
Blessed are all those who wait for Him.
- Isaiah 30:18 (NKJV)

Lately, rather than be guilt-ridden by my lack of time, I’ve been trying to walk in the love of God. Not only that but to receive His love- to accept it and live in it. To be honest, this is something that I’ve struggled with. I knew God loved me but accepting it and feeling like I didn’t have to ‘work’ for it was something else. But by accepting His love and accepting that God knows my heart and knows that I do want to spend time with Him and that He can and does forgive me when I struggle to make time for Him was liberating and game-changing in our relationship.

Now I can say that I’m not perfect but nowadays I’m slowly but surely feeling my relationship with God grow. I’ve started to dedicate some time during my day (at night) to pray to God. I’ve promised God 5 minutes of my day before bed to spend with Him. I know it’s not a massive amount, but my goal is not an amount but to build consistency, and I believe that God wants me to be consistent as well.

If you’ve ever struggled with and/or are struggling with this, please leave a comment below. And if you have any practical suggestions on how we can all grow/build our relationship with God, please do share.

Peace and love,

Ope 😊

P.S: Let's keep the lamp burning.

Also check out Let the dirt do its work (Savage Jesus) by Steven Furtick. I was struck when he said if we had done all we had learned to, we would have grown/be growing.